Pet Peeve - Apostrophes: a funny

I'm reading "Untechnical Writing" by Michael Bremer. In a side bar, he includes a quote from Dave Barry's "Tips for Writers." I'm sharing this because it clearly and succinctly sums up my feelings about the use of apostrophes. Also, I can't stop laughing about it.

Dear Mister Language Person:

What is the purpose of the apostrophe?

Answer:

The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammer concept to bear in mind when creating hand-lettered business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.